CFT – Compassion Focused Therapy

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to be kind to others, but really hard to be kind to yourself? Maybe you tell your friend, “It’s okay to make mistakes,” but when you mess up, you say, “Ugh, I’m such a failure.” Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. Many of us have an inner voice that’s way too mean. That voice tells us we’re not good, smart, or strong enough. Over time, it wears us down. It can even make anxiety, depression, or shame feel worse. This is where Compassion Focused Therapy, or CFT, comes in.

What is CFT?

CFT is a type of therapy that helps you treat yourself more kindly. It teaches you how to care for yourself the same way you’d care for someone you love. Created by a psychologist named Paul Gilbert, it’s very helpful for people who struggle with harsh self-talk, shame, or feelings of failure.

Think of CFT like this:  It’s a gentle guide that helps you build a softer voice in your head, a voice that says, “You’re doing your best,” instead of, “You’re not enough.”

How does CFT work?

CFT helps you understand how your brain works and why you feel the way you do. Then, it gently teaches you how to respond to yourself with care. Here are a few key things CFT helps you do:

1. Understand your “three systems”

• The threat system: This part of your brain is always looking out for danger. It’s like your inner alarm bell. It helps keep you safe, but it can also make you anxious or angry when it’s overactive.
• The drive system: Pushes you to get things done. It’s about success, goals, and feeling proud. But if this system runs the show, you might feel burnt out or never good enough.
• The soothing system: Helps you feel calm, safe, and loved. It’s where compassion lives. It helps you slow down, rest, and feel okay just as you are.

CFT helps you balance these systems. Instead of always being in threat mode or hustle mode, it teaches you how to turn up the volume on the soothing system.

2. Notice your inner critic

We all have an inner voice that can be critical. Sometimes it sounds like our parents, teachers, or past experiences. CFT helps you recognise when this voice is being too harsh, and how to respond with kindness instead.

You don’t have to believe everything that voice says. CFT teaches you to pause and say: “Would I say this to someone I care about?” If the answer is no, it’s a sign to be gentler with yourself.

3. Practice self-compassion

CFT gives you tools to build a kinder inner world. This might mean writing yourself a kind letter when you’re having a hard day, or quietly saying gentle phrases like “I’m safe” or “I’m doing my best” when your mind feels heavy. You might try breathing exercises to help calm your body, or even imagine a wise and kind figure, like a loving grandparent or a trusted guide, comforting you.

These practices may feel a little strange at first, especially if you’re used to being tough on yourself. But with time, they become healing habits. You slowly start treating yourself like someone who truly matters. Because you do.

Who is CFT for?

CFT is helpful for anyone, but especially people who:

• Feel a lot of shameAre very self-critical
• Struggle with anxiety or depression.
• Had a tough childhood or feel unsafe in relationships

Always try to be perfect or please others.

What does a CFT session look like?

In a CFT session, your therapist might help you:

• Talk about where your self-criticism comes from
• Learn how your brain reacts to stress or fear.
• Practice breathing or visualisation to feel calm.

Discover ways to be kinder to yourself, especially when things are hard.

A gentle reminder

You’ve been through a lot. Maybe you’ve learned to be tough, quiet, or always “in control.” But deep down, there’s still a part of you that longs to feel safe, loved, and accepted, for who you really are. That’s what CFT helps you find.

It’s not about ignoring your pain. It’s about learning to hold that pain with gentle hands, and at Meela, we’re here to walk beside you. Our therapists are trained in CFT and other thoughtful methods, so you can feel safe, seen, and supported as you heal. Because you matter, your story matters. And real, gentle, powerful compassion can change everything.