Perfectionism: Signs and Overcoming Strategies

Have you ever spent way too long on something simple, just because it didn’t feel perfect? Maybe you redid a task over and over, or felt crushed by a small mistake. That heavy feeling that nothing is ever good enough is called perfectionism. And while it can sometimes push us to do well, it often leaves us feeling stressed, stuck, or like we’re never truly proud of ourselves.

Perfectionism isn’t just about neat handwriting or high scores. It’s about a deep, quiet pressure that whispers, “You have to get it right every single time.” And that’s a lot to carry. Let’s take a kind, gentle look at what perfectionism really is, how to spot it, and most importantly, how to let go of it—little by little.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism isn’t about wanting to grow or do your best; it’s about feeling like you must get things exactly right every time. It’s when a tiny mistake feels like a huge failure, or when even success doesn’t feel satisfying because it “could have been better.”

People who struggle with perfectionism often set very high standards for themselves. They may find it hard to relax, even after getting things done, and can be their own harshest critic. That inner voice might constantly say things like, “You should’ve done more,” or “This isn’t good enough.” And it doesn’t stop at work or school. Perfectionism can affect relationships, hobbies, or even how we look or speak. It sneaks into all areas of life, making everything feel like a test we have to pass.

Where Does It Come From?

Perfectionism can grow from many places:

• Childhood experiences: Maybe you were praised for being “the smart one” or pushed to always do more.

• Fear of failure: If you’ve been judged or criticised before, you might feel safer trying to be perfect.

• Comparing to others: Seeing only the best parts of others’ lives (especially online) can make you feel like you’re behind.

• Wanting to feel worthy: Sometimes, people tie their self-worth to how well they perform.

Common Signs of Perfectionism

• You put off starting tasks because you’re afraid you won’t do them well.

• You finish things, but still feel unhappy with the result.

• You take criticism very personally.

• You rarely feel proud of your work.

• You fear people will think less of you if you make a mistake.

Why Perfectionism Can Be So Exhausting

Being a perfectionist might help you get good grades, praise at work, or a clean home. But over time, it becomes exhausting. You start to fear making mistakes so much that you stop enjoying what you once loved. It can lead to constant worry, burnout, low self-esteem, and even anxiety or depression. When we’re always chasing the next “perfect” outcome, we never get to feel proud or rest. And most importantly, it keeps us from seeing the value we already have, just by being who we are.

Gentle Ways to Let Go of Perfectionism

1. Notice Your Inner Voice: That little voice that says, “Not good enough”? Start noticing when it shows up. You don’t have to believe everything it says. Try replying with something softer, like, “I did my best, and that’s enough.”

2. Celebrate Small Wins: Did you brush your teeth? Sent that email? Took a break? Amazing. Not every success has to be big. Small wins matter, so it’s important to let yourself feel proud of them.

3. Challenge “All or Nothing” Thinking: Perfectionists often think in extremes: “If it’s not perfect, it’s terrible.” Try replacing this with something more balanced: “It’s not perfect, but it’s still really good.”

4. Set Realistic Goals: It’s okay to want to grow, but try to set goals that feel doable. Instead of “I’ll write a perfect report,” go for “I’ll write a first draft and review it tomorrow.”

5.Take Breaks Without Guilt: Rest is not lazy. Breaks help your brain reset and make your work better. If you’re tired, you deserve to pause, even if your to-do list isn’t finished yet.

6. Talk to Someone: A therapist or coach can help you explore where your perfectionism comes from and how to soften it. You don’t have to work through this alone.

Learning to Be Okay with “Good Enough”

Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean giving up. It means learning you’re still enough, even when things don’t go exactly right. It means being okay with messy drafts, unwashed dishes, and awkward conversations. Because guess what? That’s real life. And it’s still full of meaning and beauty.

Also, you don’t have to do it alone, because at Meela, we understand that perfectionism can feel heavy, even if no one else sees it. That’s why we’re here: to help you find a therapist who gets it. Someone who will meet you where you are, without judgment, and support you with practical tools and deep care.