What is self-esteem and how can you strengthen it?

Self-esteem is about how you perceive your own worth, regardless of achievements, external validation, or others’ opinions. When you have strong self-esteem, you feel that you are enough just as you are—both when things go well and during setbacks.

But if self-esteem is low, external factors like criticism or failures can quickly make you doubt your value. You might feel that you always have to perform to be worthy, have difficulty setting boundaries, or often question your own importance.

The good news? Self-esteem is not fixed or unchangeable, it can be developed and strengthened.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is our inner perception of our own worth. It’s not about what we can do or achieve, but how we see ourselves as people.

A person with strong self-esteem:

• Feels valuable regardless of achievements.
• Dares to set boundaries and stand up for themselves.
• Can handle setbacks without seeing them as a sign of “failure.”

A person with low self-esteem:

• Is very self-critical and questions their worth.
• Has difficulty saying no out of fear of not being liked.
• Easily feels down from criticism or failures.

Self-esteem affects our everyday life more than we realize. Relationships, work, decisions, and even how we take care of ourselves can be influenced by how we value ourselves.

Self-esteem vs. self-confidence – what’s the difference?

Self-esteem and self-confidence are often mixed up, but they are different things:

• Self-esteem is about how you value yourself regardless of what you achieve.
• Self-confidence is about how much you believe in your ability to succeed in different situations.

Examples:

• Someone can have high self-confidence at work and feel capable but still have low self-esteem and feel worthless if they don’t perform.
• Another person might have good self-esteem and feel valuable regardless of achievement but hesitate to try new challenges due to low self-confidence.

Understanding the difference helps you work on the right areas. Sometimes you need to boost your belief in your abilities (self-confidence), and other times you need to work on feeling valuable as you are (self-esteem).

Signs of low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can show up in many ways, both in thoughts and behaviors. Common signs include:

• Perfectionism: Feeling like you must perform perfectly to be worthy.
• Difficulty setting boundaries: Saying yes when you want to say no, out of fear of disappointing others.
• Sensitivity to criticism: Even constructive feedback feels like proof you’re not good enough.
• Excessive self-criticism: Struggling to see your strengths and focusing more on your flaws.
• Comparing yourself to others: Feeling inadequate when you see others’ successes.
• Difficulty accepting compliments: Struggling to believe positive things said about you.

Self-esteem also affects how we treat ourselves. People with low self-esteem often have higher demands on themselves and rarely allow themselves to rest or be kind to themselves.

Therapy test – see if therapy can improve your self-esteem.

Starting therapy can feel like a big step, especially if you’re unsure if it’s right for you. Our test helps you quickly find out if therapy could be a path to strengthen your self-esteem and improve your well-being.

By answering a few simple questions, you get a better picture of whether therapy can help you manage your challenges. The test takes just a few minutes and can be a first step toward understanding and improving how you feel.

Take the therapy test.

What causes low self-esteem?

Self-esteem is shaped by our experiences and environment. Here are some factors that can negatively affect self-esteem:

• Upbringing and childhood: How we were treated as children plays a big role. If we were often criticized, ignored, or felt we were “only good enough” when performing well, it can affect self-esteem.
• Past negative experiences: Experiencing criticism, rejection, or relationships where we didn’t feel valued can leave scars. Trauma and destructive relationships can affect how we see ourselves.
• Society and social media influence: Constantly comparing ourselves to others on social media can make us feel insufficient. Beauty ideals and performance demands can create a feeling that we never “do enough.”

Self-esteem is not static, even if shaped by past experiences, it can be strengthened over time.

How to boost your self-esteem?

Building stable self-esteem takes time, but here are three key steps:

• Challenge negative thoughts: When self-criticism arises, ask yourself: “Would I say this to a friend?” Try to replace harsh thoughts with a kinder, more realistic view of yourself.
• Notice your positive actions: Write down things you do well every day, even small things. Practice accepting compliments, rather than dismissing them, say “Thank you!” and let them sink in.
• Do things not related to performance: Focus on activities that make you feel good without having to “achieve” anything. A walk, a creative project, or coffee with a friend, remind yourself that you are valuable no matter what you do.

Strengthening self-esteem is largely about changing how we think and being kinder to ourselves. Here are 7 exercises to boost both your self-esteem and self-confidence, so you can feel better from the inside out.

When should you seek help?

Low self-esteem can affect relationships, work, and mental well-being. If you notice it limiting you and making everyday life difficult, professional help may be valuable. Signs that support could help include:

• Frequent feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism.
• Avoiding situations or relationships out of fear of not being good enough.
• Difficulty accepting compliments and focusing mostly on flaws.
• Self-esteem impacting your quality of life and causing distress.

A therapist can help you understand the root causes of your self-esteem issues and provide tools to strengthen it.